u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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