I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
