I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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