turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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