he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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