I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize