ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
