i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize