I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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