if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
