he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize