Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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