do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
