i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
