May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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