I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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