Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
