Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
