how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like eating out sand paper
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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