i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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