Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
