god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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