why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
