a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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