Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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