No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
