This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
