is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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