I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
