you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
