how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
