so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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