Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
