I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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