i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
