I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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