Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
