so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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