Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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