Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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