So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
