There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
