Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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