3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
