We need to rekindle our bromance
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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