It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
