Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
nutella sex= disaster
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
