you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
