Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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