My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
