hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
