I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
