smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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