all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
