Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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