She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
