You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
