drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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