my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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