just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
