hell yes lets make some ravioli
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
