I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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