I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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