How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
