Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
