Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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