It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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