If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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